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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Power of Suggestion

The power of suggestion.

Okay, so I never really thought it existed. I mean, I'm a strong person, with a strong will, and a strong mind. So I can completely control what I think, what I do, and how I feel....right?


Actual Conversation...

Son #3 - Mommy, I'm really itchy.

Me - Hmmm. Well, where do you itch?

Son #3 - All over.

Me - Okay, let me see. (I check him over and don't see a thing. No rash, no dry skin, nadda.) Well, maybe you just need some lotion. (so I put lotion on him and he miraculously feels better.)

PROBLEM 1......I'm now itching all over, thank you very much!!!!!

Son #2 - Hey, mom. (sniff, sniff) What smells?

Me - (who's still scratching in places I'm too embarrassed to say) Smells like what?

Son #2 - I don't know, kinda sour. (sniff, sniff) ew yuck, kinda like BO!

Me - (horrified because I'm the only freaking other person in the room) Gasp! I do not smell like BO.

Son #2 - (stares accusingly) Well, it ain't me.

Me - (I sniff my pits just to be sure) Well it sure as heck ain't me. (he's not taking an chances as he hightails it out of the living room) And don't say ain't! (I shout after him for good measure. Me BO? I think not.)

PROBLEM 2......Ugh, now I'm smelling BO bigtime, thank you very much.

Son #1 - Yo, mom, did you put onions in the meatloaf?

Me - No.

Son #1 - Are sure? (he smacks his gums) Maybe you accidentally put them in.

Me - No, I think I'd know if I cut up onions and put them in something I made.

Son #1 - Whatever, but I'm telling you, all I can taste is onions, and it's gross.

Me - You're nuts. (Smack my own gums and frown.)

PROBLEM #3......You've got to be flipping kidding me. All I can taste are onions, and he's right, it IS gross.

Hubby - Hey, hon. (eyebrows wag as strolls in holding our daughter getting ready to tuck her in) Wanna tuck me in? (code word for.....well, I think you get it)

Me - God, no. At least not before I take a shower, put on deodorant, a gallon of lotion and brush my teeth.

Hubby - (frowns) Didn't you just do all that a half hour ago?

Me - (I scratch, sniff, smack my gums and gag) Apparently, not well enough.

The power of suggestion, baby. Careful, it just might sneak up on you when you least expect it, and it won't be pretty.


Danielle Bronson said...

I think its nice you and your husband have code words for sex. Something a little more subtle than "lets fuck'
Now thats a powerful suggestion.

Gwyneth Bolton said...

This is hilarious, Kari and so right on point. It's funny how all it takes is the smallest hint and we can be set off questioning things... The onions in the meatloaf is priceless and my favorite, though. I'm cracking up.


Barbie Jo said...

OMG! too funny! "Aint" it the truth though?! the itching thing fore sure.

Wanna tuck me in??? Oh, DH is too funny! My DH and I haven't had a code word in a looonnng time. Actually, to fool the kids I usually go upstairs claiming to put laundry away or something, and then step out of the door and yell down "Honey, can you come up and help me with something?" Half the time he doesn't get it and comes upstairs going "yeah, what do you need?" Then I lock the door and pounce!

Okay, was that TMI??? (sorry mom and dad) :)

Kari Lee Townsend said...

Gotta love codewords, Danielle. And Gwyn, I hate tasting onions all night. It was not fun.

Barbie Jo, or should I call you Dollie Jo (you all have to check out Barb's blog today, it was toooooo funny) I love the lock the door and pounce comment. Cracked me up.

Dorky Dad said...

That's hilarious. I've got to try that on my wife.

Beth said...

LOL!! You always have me rolling!! you have a very funny house.

Manic Mom said...

You forgot to tell us how you had some way hot sex after your husband 'suggested' it!

Ewww, I'm itchy now too.

Kari Lee Townsend said...

Dorky and Beth, yeah, my house is a riot. They give me such good information. And Manic, um, yeah, the power of suggestions definitely works;))

OzWriter said...

Hey Kari,

Is there something burning in the kitchen? Did you leave the oven on? I smell something crispy. It's only faint, but definitly there, just the occassional waft drifting through...

Nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck.


Kari Lee Townsend said...

Ozzy, you are so bad.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I think they're totally messing with you.

Swishy said...

I swear to you I totally just got itchy!!!

Jennifer Talty said...

The nice thing about a husband who works from home (when he's not traveling) and children who are at school all day is lunch. We do lunch a lot. Often. Everywhere. As if we were teenagers again.

Kari Lee Townsend said...

OMG I just posted on the fly girls and it's too funny. The picture I found is hillarious!!!

Annoyed said...

That's pretty funny.

It's never anyting good is it? Like "Mom, I smell flowers"

Frannie Farmer said...

Yepo, you got me all itchy too. Thanks a lot.
All someone has to do in my house is utter the word l.i.c.e. and I swear I break out into hives. Hate that word.
Love the tuck in story though :O)

Jess Riley said...

Uh-oh; I'm feeling a little itchy right now...