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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Can You Say......Pity Party???

WHAAAAAAAA!!!! That's me having a pity party for myself, unless anyone cares to join in. Ready......WHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

First, my head is going to explode by the end of the day, I just know it. My whole family (except DH of course) has a cold. So I'm not going to the gym today. By the way, never put things off. Case in point, the trainer who looks exactly like the hero in my second book is no longer there!!!!

Second, only two weeks and two days until the New Jersey Conference and I still have to finish my second book.

Third, I still haven't heard back from the agent who has the full of my first book. Ugh! I really wanted to go and not have to pitch. I hate pitching. I have another agent who wants to meet with me for a drink while I'm there, but I don't want to waste her time if agent one says yes. Let me repeat, I hate pitching.

Fourth, I still haven't lost weight. Normally, I wouldn't care, but my first book finaled in the New Jersey Put Your Heart in a Book contest and I have to march my big ole butt up on stage in front of all those people to get my award. Did I say big? Let me clarify.....BIG!

Fifth.....okay, I'm sure there's a fifth, but I can't think, and anyway, aren't one through four enough? There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though. My husband isn't the only funny member of our family. My kids are hysterical.

Example one, when my boys were little I made them go in the public bathroom with me. It was really crowded so I made them use the same stall. I'm holding the door and there's a long line as usual. And you hear one son say to the other, "Look, we made an x." They were crossing their streams of pee.

Example two, when my daughter was born, my three boys gaped at her as I changed her in front of them and one of them yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, she's broke!" because she was missing a Mr. Winkie.

Example three, when she was really little and I first gave her a bath on a towel in the tub, one of my boys kept tipping his head to the left, then the right, then the left as he studied her. And I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothin', Mommy, it just kinda looks like she has a big butt on the back and a little butt on the front." To which I replied, "Yup, it does. Okay, bathtime's over."

Example four, my daughter now calls it a coochi, so when someone said, "Coochi, coochi, coo," and tried to tickle her under the chin, she rolled her eyes as if they were a little slow and said, "That's NOT my coochi."

There are sooooooo many more examples, but I've run out of steam. I'm going to go bury my head in my pillow now, but at least I'll die smiling;)))


Jen-t said...

Um, pity party...hell, stand in line. You should have seen the look on Mike's face when I called the garage door repairman this morning and said, "Well, um, I closed the door on my car, while the car was moving." Poor Mike. Not only does his wife have "people" talking inside her head, she has other issues.

Okay, the kid thing...gotta love those stories. I used to babysit my neice and everytime I'd change my son's diaper, she point and say, "Oh, wow, what's that?" I'd say, "A penis." She'd say, "I like it." I'd laugh and say, "it will only get you in trouble." According to her, she remembers that. Her mother thanks me.

I used to use cherros for target practice, well the middle boy decided to try it out on the kitchen floor. Amazing. He hit everyone.

Middle child also thought as a toddler that it was just way too cool that he could make his penis grow, and he just wanted to show the whole world.

Favorite kid story...I had a little dancer in one of my classes who liked to pull down her top. I told her she needed to keep it on. She said, "Why? My mommy dances for my daddy all the time with no top on."

Trish Ryan said...

Should you have to pitch at the NJ conference, you'll do just fine. Why? Because you're FUNNY, and funny people are just fun to talk to. Approach the agents you meet with like your blog audience (okay, maybe leave out the coochi references, depending on the agent...) and they will totally enjoy talking to you and want to hear - and represent - your writing.

We expect a wild report from your high times in New Jersey :)

Anonymous said...

OMG those kid stories are funny! I only had boys so I know all about the peeing but we never had of those funny "girl-bum" stories.

And like Trish Ryan (hmm another "trish") said...just make like your pitching to a blog audience. You'll do great.

Karitown said...

thanks ladies, I feel better already. Jen-T and Barbie W. are going with me, so you will get a full report and pictures once we get back. I'm excited but nervous. I've pitched a few times before, but I always get nervous. Don't know why.

Jen-t said...

Don't worry everyone...I'll post a nice picture of Kari and her so called big but (it's not that big, she's such a lair), on my site. I've got the camera ready and waiting! Snort, she knows I'll do it to.

Amanda Brice said...

Hugs Kari. Pity party away.

You can do it!

Nancy said...

Oh man... that is funny... My kid once kept pointing to a lady's mole on her face, thinking it was a bug.


Anonymous said...

YOur kids are hillarious!!! Youll be fine with literary agents if your blog is anything like your books!! You Rock!!


Swishy said...

I want to join in on the pity party! Can I?!?

Although, I don't know how much I need it anymore after laughing out loud at the HILARIOUS kid stories! SO funny.

Barbie W said...

I'm cracking up over here! And you're spazzing over nothing. You'll do great pitching, you always do.

And yes, we'll be taking lots and lots and lots of pictures. We seem to go to these conferences and have a blast but no one brings the camera. Why is that???

So this is the year!! Camera's, kareoke, and another weekend of laughter to make your stomach hurt!

mama kay said...

Yep, theres a whole lotta wallowing running through blog land.
Sorry that you and yours are sick. There just isn't a lot worse than that ... all will be well soon and I sure that you will look FANTASTIC when you march onto the stage.
My girls call it the va-va-va .. can you imagine how the conversation goes when they are around boys playing w/cars? VAroom, VAroom .. it sure makes for fun conversations.

Christine Keach said...

I hope you feel better soon.

I hope you don't have to pitch.

I hope good things happen at the conference!

Alyssa Goodnight said...

Love the stories--they're so funny when they're not happening to you...

My boys like 'crossing the streams' too. I'm always shushing them in public bathrooms because they announce every little thing.

Good luck with the agent of choice and at the conference. And don't worry: a contest final trumps a less-than-perfect butt. ;)

Manic Mom said...

My son always says that girls have two butts because there are two cracks.

ANd we call it a cootchie too!

And the pee streams mean they are 'crossing swords!'

I love this post! You'll have a great time in NJ, and hellloooo, your butt is not big! How do I know? Well, I don't, but I'm guessing!

Also, is it MJ or JL who you are waiting on for a reply on the ms? ME TOO, ME TOO! If it's any consolation, I heard from them Sept. 6 and she said they are way behind on their submissions.

Email me if you wanna chat agent stuff!

Feel better!

Anonymous said...

Kids can say so many funny things. I enjoyed reading your post. Best of luck at the conference and with those agents!

Karitown said...

Actually MJ has read it, Manic, she's just waiting for JL to read it, then they'll decide if they want to represent me. I know they're behind since nationals, but they were supposed to read it by last week. It's Thursday and I'm dying of impatience. Did they say how long they'd take on your revisions?

Tempest Knight said...

I just eat a lot ice cream and watch a Johnny Depp movie when I'm having a pity party. *lol*

OMG! Your boys are hilarious! The whole crossing pee made me laugh so hard I almost had to go myself.

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