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Friday, September 22, 2006

Embarrasing Moments and Lessons Learned

Okay, I just read 1 plus twins post on her blog about how sick her son is and how nerves have her up all night on the toilet with diarrhea. Every time she farts it's like someone turns on a faucet kind of explosion.

First off, I am so sorry you and your son are not feeling well. That really is truly aweful. But your description made me laugh so hard I cried. And it got me to thinking about one of my most embarrassing moments. Okay, two. (there were so many)

Let's go back to highschool, shall we.

First off, I had a hard time going to the bathroom. Still do. (More info than you needed to know, right? Well, too bad, it's my blog;)) So anyway, my mom gave me some of her correctol and told me it would kick in by morning. I think it was the first week of school, so I was nervous. (nerves affect me the opposite way from 1 plus twins if you haven't guessed by now). Anyway, I get up and nothing. Not even flipping correctol can help me. So I go to school for half the day with no problem. Then bam! (when she said it would kick in, she wasn't kidding.)

Gurgle, gurgle. Groan, groan. Uh, oh.

I start walking faster, but that just makes it worse. Wait, folks, it gets better. I round the corner and a whole pack of cute boys fall in behind me. I am fairly running by now, but it's too late. I choo, choo my flipping way down the hall as fast as I can to the nearest bathroom. Apparently not fast enough. I peek over my shoulder just before I slip inside. The cute boys are literally green, people. Green!!

Lesson learned: Always listen to your mother. She's usually right.

Let's skip ahead to college. What the heck, I'm on a roll. Why not embarrass myself even further.

Okay, so by now I've learned Metamucil works even better than correctol. Take it on a regular basis and you avoid the "I have a hard time going to the bathroom" problem alltogether. Only thing is, it can give you gas. (oh, yeah, you guessed it. Another one of "those" moments, but it's not my fault, really. 1 plus twins started me down this memory lane of eau de nastiness.) So anyway, I am taking this chemistry class (don't ask me what I was thinking. Who takes chemistry if they don't have to?) The class is filled with all sorts of cute guys and very few girls and is held in a huge lecture center.

The kind that echoes, folks. Yes, I said echoes!!

So it's time for our final exam and, of course, I get stuck between the two cutest guys in the class. I'm so nervous because, well, this is chemistry and I still don't know what I'm freaking doing in this flipping class. So I start reading the questions and drawing a complete blank. I start to sweat and my hand starts to shake. I'm going to fail. This can't get any worse, can it?

Oh, you bet your booty it can.....and it does!

Gurgle, gurgle. Groan, groan. Oh, hell, no. The flipping choo choo is back!

Horrible flashbacks of highschool hit me. There's no bathroom to escape to and I cannot, under any circumstances, sit for two hours next to these guys and watch them turn green. So I hold it in. I'm squeezing with all my might as I try not to explode. You know what happens to a balloon full of air when you pull the opening really tight???? Yup, you guessed it.


Can you say, "Echo?"

I repeat, Screeeeeeeeeeech, echoed throughout the entire lecture center, and several gasps rang out as a sea of heads whipped in my direction. Especially the two cute ones next to me. I stared straight down at my paper and finished that exam in record time. First one done, and then I was gone.

Lesson learned: Never, ever try to hold anything in. Learn to let it all out (feelings, emotions, tears, vomit, gas!) because if you don't, you'll explode. Two sets of shocked eyes I could have handled. A lecture center full, not so much.

Needless to say, I never took a science class again.

Anyone have any "most embarrassing moments" stories to share?


Jen-t said...

Giggle, sharing a room together is always kind of stinky, isn't it?

My most embarressing moment? Oh Good lord woman, you really don't want to know any of these. Well okay, here is one that happened on my way to nationals in Atlanta last summer.

Okay, so I'm wearing this cute top with spagetti straps that are tied at the shoulders. Now, I hate flying, so I'm nervous as hell. I walk through the metal detector thing and low and behold, I beep. I take off half my jewlery, my belt and in the process accidentally untied my top and well it fell open. Okay, now all i've got on is one of those tiny stick on things that basically only covers your nipple. Well, the guy is standing there, staring and pointing. His mouth is open and his eyes are darting from my face to my boob haning out. I look him and he finally manages, "Um, ma'am...your..." I look down and just about die. The guy says after I tie myself back together, "You're having a bad day." And I said, "Well, it looks like I just made your day."

Beth said...

Man, that's some good stuff!

My moment? Well, I DID fall down in the hallway at school when I was picking up my son from school, in front of all his friends.

But when I was in 8th grade, I was on my period. I was always very, very heavy when I was young, and I asked the teacher(Mr. Ashelman)if I could use the bathroom and he wouldn't let me! so when I sat down in my seat, blood went everywhere. I had to sit through the whole class and then when the bell rang, I ran to the bathroom. I was covered in blood and my jeans were soaked clear through. So I had to get my jacket and tie it around my waist until I could get home. I still hate that man to this very day!

Barbie W said...

And I'm sleeping with you at the conference??? Aw maannn.... (just kidding) Let's just remember the airfreshner ladies!!*g*

What a topic for a friday!!! Okay, mine is a boob story too. (jen, you beat me to it!) Mine happened when we took a family vacation to Cocoa Beach, Fl. We're out in the ocean having a great time. I had on a bathing suit that had the hook clasp around my neck. Well, a bil 'ol wave came along and "smack", I lose my balance and go under. I come up sputtering, and lo and behold I've exposed my right boob. And to my horror, it's not my DH who has popped up next to me! I quickly smile at the cute stranger, grab my floating strap and turn away...only "smack" comes another wave. Oh shit, I can't hook this thing back up. I struggle back to gain my balance, still aware of cute guy to my right. DH is back on shore (has no clue what's going on). I reach back to try that damn hook and "smack" down I go again. I'm dying cuz the waves are just fast and furious and I when I try to stand back up I've now lost the other strap! I take a quick look to my right and cute guy is gone. I breathe a sigh of relief then attempt a final time to re-hook the suit. "smack" I get knocked foward and almost land on cute guy. I now have death grip on the straps around my neck. I smile (can you say drowned rat look?) and stumble my way to the shore and ask DH to PLEASE make sure that hook is on tight!

Now, If I'd only been single and about 10 yrs younger.....there might have been a story there!

Karitown said...

Oh, my God! Too funny ladies. I don't have enough boobs to have a boob story, but period leaking stories I have plenty. However since I've embarrassed myself enough for one day, I'll shut up now. come on, people, I need more stories;)))

Save Sheila said...

That was SO funny--I've been through similar, but it's not my blog, so I won't say!

Anonymous said...

I'm laughing too hard right now for a story... I'll be back thanks for the chuckle ....


Swishy said...

Eau de nastiness! Classic!

Gosh, I am blanking on embarrrassing stories. I have a ton, but I try to block them out :)

Karitown said...

Can you imagine going away with me??? Poor Jen-T and Barbie W. will have that pleasure in two weeks. Once I get started, I can't seem to stop. Talk about laughing. We're usually so sore by the time we get home. Can't wait, ladies.

TTQ said...

I repress my memories so well, I can't recall too many..except maybe vomitting on this super hot guy (that I had a crush on)when I was a teenager..Fuzzy Navels and god knows what else we had our hands on, squeezed into the back seat of a car...and not by the door..and well he ended up covered with peach fuzz.... I don't think I ever drank a fuzzy navel again..

mama kay said...

ohhh. I have some good gassy memories too. Well not good as in pleasant, but good as in sooo bad!
I will just say - 1st date, hot guy, fancy restaurant, BAD reaction to blue crabs ... the date ended early.

Karitown said...

So glad to hear I'm in good company. I'm not the only one to embarrass herself, and then be crazy enough to talk about it. But, hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, then you're just way too uptight;)))

Hotwire said...

i think that i'll just stay clear of this who thing, ladies...

Anonymous said...

I was on a city bus coming home from school. There were no more seats available so I stood near the front by the driver holding on to the hand rail. i just looked out the window and waited for my stop. About half way through the ride the driver leaned over and said "check your fly" I didn't really hear what he was saying so I just nodded and smiled. Then he said it again and this time I heard it and checked. My zipper was not just un-zipped it was so W-I-D-E open it's a wonder I didn't feel a breeze. And since I was standing at the front looking back everyone else was looking forward so they must have gotten a pretty good view.

I rang the bell and got off at the next stop.

Karitown said...

Oh my God, Trish. That was too funny. I would have died and I don't know if I could ever ride that bus again.

Karitown said...

Oh my God, Trish. That was too funny. I would have died and I don't know if I could ever ride that bus again.

Manic Mom said...

I thank God I have no bowel issues.

Did you see the Oprah on where the poop goes? It was Friday's episode. They had on some septic tank guys. I imagine them coming home from work, their wives greeting them at the door, asking, "Honey, how was your day?" and them answering: SHITTY!


Andie said...

I have MANY moments that are similar.

I won't even go into details since I try to forget any embarassing moments. I did submit one to Karyn's contest, though.