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Monday, September 25, 2006

My Name Is Kari, and I am a Moron!!

That's right, folks, I'm an official member of Morons Anonymous.

THE 12 STEP PROGRAM TO STOP BEING AN IDIOT.

Step 1: Do not EVER offer to clean the car for your husband again. (That's what you have him for, and since you offered, he might just think you like it and want to add it to your weekly chores, as if you don't have enough to do already.)

Step 2: Do NOT decide to do the job right before your daughter's preschool. (This task takes more time than you anticipated and is quite the workout. Hello, you already go to the gym, but don't get me started on that.)

Step 3: Do not attempt this job without music. (Music makes any task more enjoyable, and makes the time go by much quicker.)

Step 4: Use your freaking head and always turn the key backward, not forward. (Forward drains the battery.....duh.....I repeat, duh!!)

Step 5: Before you run around in circles like a dog chaising its own tail, swearing like a sailor, check behind you. (Sending your daughter to preschool with bug eyes and bottom lip quivering and crocodile tears ready to fall because you're freaking out isn't such a bright idea.)

Step 6: Don't be in a rush to call husband and tell him you're a moron. (A: he's probably already figured that one out, and B: you have a flipping Triple A card in your wallet.)

Step 7: Don't forget to cancel Triple A after you wait a few minutes and the battery has gained enough juice to start on its own. (Triple A man not very happy to make an unneccesary trip, and doesn't really care when you explain that it's not your fault....after all, you are a moron.)

Step 8: Leave the car running when you get to preschool. (If you turn it off, you will have to call angry Triple A man back, and he just might not come because, like you said, you are in fact a moron.)

Step 9: When you get home, still leave the car running. (Must get battery back to full charge to redeam self to scary Triple A man and dissappointed husband who didn't want to really beleive you were a moron, but you've given him too much proof to think otherwise.)

Step 10: Don't be so hard on yourself, after all, you did manage to get yourself out of this pickle, and the flipping car is clean enough to eat off of. (Things are looking up, you might actually graduate from Moron's annonymous very soon. One can always hope.)

Step 11: Don't be so quick to call hubby and tell him the good news. You are no longer a moron. Did you forget to turn the car off? In a word, yes. (If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.)

Step 12: Check on car and find the battery is fully charged......but the gas tank is now empty. (Go back to step one and repeat until you have it right. After all, once a moron, always a moron.)

11 comments:

Trish Ryan said...

Oh my gosh, that's hysterical...in an awful, "glad to hear you made it through" kinda way!

And you're right. The first step to recovery is to avoid all unnecessary cleaning activities in the future. Skip that an the whole chain of disaster unravels :)

Trish said...

Hello Kari...my name is trish and I too am a moron. LOL

I guess I'll be seeing you at the meetings then?

Jen-t said...

Um, yeah, I think that raises you to Moron status. Welcome to my world.

Bugs Mommy said...

Hi, I'm Denise and I am also a moron.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Swishy said...

Definitely with you on the moron thing. I'm a charter member. What is it with car issues this week?!?

Drew Blackstone said...

You have had what I like to call a 'MENSA Moment'. Welcome to the club.

Beth said...

Hi, I'm Beth and I too am a moron. I think I am in pretty good company here!

Karitown said...

I'm laughing so hard right now. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone;)))

Barbie W said...

By step 4 I'm chuckling, by step 7...total out and out laughter!! by the end...wiping the tears from my eyes!!! You are Too Damn Funny girlfriend!!!

And hey, I'm a moron too...but I like to refer to them as "blonde moments" (no offense to any blondies out there!)

Barbie W said...

By step 4 I'm chuckling, by step 7...total out and out laughter!! by the end...wiping the tears from my eyes!!! You are Too Damn Funny girlfriend!!!

And hey, I'm a moron too...but I like to refer to them as "blonde moments" (no offense to any blondies out there!)

Karitown said...

I do aim to please, Barbie W. And with, it doesn't take much because it's all TRUE!!!