THE KING OF CONS STRIKES AGAIN.
SETTING: middle of the night while sound asleep in bed.
Mr. King of Cons Hubby
SET THE SCENE: My husband always tells my oldest son who's just like him, "Listen, buddy, you can't con a con. I've tried them all and mastered most." And he's right. That's what makes him such a good salesman. But after twenty years together (I mean I started dating him when I was 18 for crying out loud) you'd think I'd remember this. Anyway, I have a terrible time falling asleep, but once I finally do, I sleep soundly. Well, this night was no exception. My king of cons hubby falls asleep instantly. Hours later, I finally do. And that's when the con began.
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "Honey." He places his hand on my hip and shakes. "Honey, is that rain?" shake, shake some more. "Honey, I said is that rain?"
ME: "Huh, what?" I wake with a start. "What's wrong."
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "Nothing, I just said is that rain?"
ME: I snort. "You've got to be kidding, right?"
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "No, why?"
ME: I listen and shake my head in disbelief. It's pouring harder than I think I've ever heard it. Trust me, people, there's absolutley no mistaking that it's raining out. So I scowl as I say, "No, honey, it's gallons of flipping Skittles falling from the sky."
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "That's cute."
ME: "I thought so. Of course it's rain, and you know it." To which I flip off the covers, get up, and shut the window. Then I climb back in bed and finish, "You just said that to try and get me to get up and shut the window so you wouldn't have to. Well, that's not gonna happen."
ME: "You Bleepity Bleep." (insert your swearword of choice and it would have fit at that moment.) Have I said that I'm a moron? Just being sure, because this is another perfect example. Granted, I was still groggy from finally falling asleep. A deep sleep.
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: Just grins and has the nerve to give me the "shutty" sign once again.
ME: I gasp, then grunt and roll over, knowing darn well he'll be back to sleep in minutes while it will take me hours . . . again!!
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: Laughing his bleep off as he says, "Come on. I was half out of it and just wondered if it was raining."
ME: "Pah - lease! All I can say is this is so going in my blog."
MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: Laughing even harder now, the rat, to which he replies, "Blog me, baby." And then proceeds to fall sound asleep.