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Thursday, September 28, 2006

The King of Cons Strikes Again!!

THE KING OF CONS STRIKES AGAIN.

SETTING: middle of the night while sound asleep in bed.

CHARACTERS: Me
Mr. King of Cons Hubby

SET THE SCENE: My husband always tells my oldest son who's just like him, "Listen, buddy, you can't con a con. I've tried them all and mastered most." And he's right. That's what makes him such a good salesman. But after twenty years together (I mean I started dating him when I was 18 for crying out loud) you'd think I'd remember this. Anyway, I have a terrible time falling asleep, but once I finally do, I sleep soundly. Well, this night was no exception. My king of cons hubby falls asleep instantly. Hours later, I finally do. And that's when the con began.

ACTUAL CONVERSATION:

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "Honey." He places his hand on my hip and shakes. "Honey, is that rain?" shake, shake some more. "Honey, I said is that rain?"

ME: "Huh, what?" I wake with a start. "What's wrong."

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "Nothing, I just said is that rain?"

ME: I snort. "You've got to be kidding, right?"

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "No, why?"

ME: I listen and shake my head in disbelief. It's pouring harder than I think I've ever heard it. Trust me, people, there's absolutley no mistaking that it's raining out. So I scowl as I say, "No, honey, it's gallons of flipping Skittles falling from the sky."

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: "That's cute."

ME: "I thought so. Of course it's rain, and you know it." To which I flip off the covers, get up, and shut the window. Then I climb back in bed and finish, "You just said that to try and get me to get up and shut the window so you wouldn't have to. Well, that's not gonna happen."

I blink.

He grins.

ME: "You Bleepity Bleep." (insert your swearword of choice and it would have fit at that moment.) Have I said that I'm a moron? Just being sure, because this is another perfect example. Granted, I was still groggy from finally falling asleep. A deep sleep.

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: Just grins and has the nerve to give me the "shutty" sign once again.

ME: I gasp, then grunt and roll over, knowing darn well he'll be back to sleep in minutes while it will take me hours . . . again!!

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: Laughing his bleep off as he says, "Come on. I was half out of it and just wondered if it was raining."

ME: "Pah - lease! All I can say is this is so going in my blog."

MR. KING OF CONS HUBBY: Laughing even harder now, the rat, to which he replies, "Blog me, baby." And then proceeds to fall sound asleep.

12 comments:

Karitown said...

Yay, it worked. People can finally comment on this post. It took me a while to get it straightened out.

Gwyneth Bolton said...

Ohhh, you were punk'd, suckered, bamboozled... He's good. Forget just putting him on the blog. He needs to be a character in a book. LOL! This is a funny one.

TTQ said...

Why do men think women can just roll over and go back to sleep? hmmph!

Barbie W said...

I can sooo see that going down! I don't know if I'd have strangled him or started laughing over the whole thing.

You should get a bag of skittles and when he's sleeping drop them on his head and say "honey? are those skittles? Or is it raining??"

Priceless! And I'm agreeing with Gwen...that man has his own book - somewhere!!

Drew Blackstone said...

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool Me thrice, shame on...um...somebody else...oh whatever.

Beth said...

I'm surprised he even heard the rain....my husband never hears anything...no dogs, no kids, no rain, no robbers, no serial killers....nothing.

Swishy said...

Skittles! That's classic. Not bad for being half-asleep ;)

Karitown said...

I thought of skittles because my daughter loves them, and you really would think I would catch on, but he's sooooo good. And the minute I want to strangle him, he has me cracking up.

Jen-t said...

Kari - you are entering my world, except my husband does crap like that all the time, but he's sleeping. One night he leaped from the bed, tossed back the covers and said, "Honey, we are not tied up, we are floating away."

And the list goes on and on and on....

Elaine said...

Kari, I'm so glad Jen introduced you to me on the blogs. I enjoyed reading about you and your writings. I also enjoyed Jen's interview with you. That was very inspiring. Good luck to you. Love from Jen's mom. Elaine

Thebodytalk said...

He does have a character as Gwyneth said. Well, I guess he's just being himself.

Drew blackstone, fool me thrice, shame on not someone else.

It's "Shame on your family" which is really painful. isn't it?

Kari, thanks for your viist and comment. YOur comments are always welcome.


The BodyTalk

Karitown said...

Hi Elaine. Thanks for visiting my blog. I've heard so much about you. Maybe we'll get to meet in person one day;))

You comments are welcome anytime, too, thebodytalk.